When my mother died devastated by incredible grief and bitterness that her life had not turned out how she wanted, I was faced with a precious gift: look or turn away from her as a mirror reflecting that I was not much happier.  I was a burned-out high school English teacher with deteriorating health and a crumbling marriage. When my husband invited me to a workshop on healing shame, something clicked.  I started seeing shame everywhere.  First, I recognized it in education, then saw its effects on individual's behavior around me.  Finally, I got comfortable enough with shame as an emotion that everyone has to become willing to own and work on my own shame parts. 

Instead of hiding in shame, now I get curious.  Rather than judging myself so harshly, I can call in understanding and even pride for making it through everything that got me to this point.  Slowly, I have been able to recognize when old reactions start to come up and have the capacity to make a different choice: moving from an unconscious adaptive child reaction to standing in the wise adult part of me that wants a different outcome.  ​

It is possible.  We can change how we relate to ourselves, others, and even our personal histories.  Shame illuminated in the shadow place it hides, can become our guide to what holds us, stuck.​​​